Planet Earth wants everyone to leave

Ah, more religion dressed in the vestments of… humour. From the Onion…

Planet Earth Doesn’t Know How To Make It Any Clearer It Wants Everyone To Leave


June 1, 2011 | ISSUE 47•22
The Earth says events like this should have made it “pretty obvious” what it’s been driving at.

EARTH—According to a statement released to the press Tuesday, the planet Earth has “just about run out of ways” to let its roughly 6.9 billion human inhabitants know it wants them all to leave.

Following a recent series of disastrous floods along the Mississippi River and destructive tornadoes across much of the United States—as well as a year of even deadlier natural catastrophes all over the world—the Earth said its options for strongly implying that it no longer wants human beings living on it have basically been exhausted.

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